I wish... I had a healthier relationship with money (part 3)

So the month of March came and went. Did I have a healthier relationship with money at the end of it?

Yes. I'd say so. Slightly.

Doesn't sound very convincing, does it. That's because it's not.

What did I actually do to develop a healthier relationship with money in March?

I paid the rent for my home and the rent for my studio on the 1st April. The recipients were gobsmacked and I had to reassure them it wasn't an April Fool's joke.  But did I set up a Direct Debit to automate the process and avoid delays in future? No.

I made a note of how much money was in my bank account and ISA. Plus how much money I owed on my credit card and student loan. But did I move any money around to reduce unnecessary charges? Nope.

I emptied my Bertie Bassett piggy bank and cash tin from craft fairs last year, then created piles of coins and notes like Scrooge McDuck. But did I add it all up and bank it? No I did not.

I visited MoneySavingExpert.com and wrote a list of all the things I could do to save money or make more money. But did I do any of them? Not one.

Did I, instead, buy expensive ink cartridges for my printer, leave one online course only to join another one that costs more, and buy Easter eggs at the last minute that I could have bought earlier for less? Yes, I absolutely did.

*slaps forehead*

I still have a long way to go to develop a healthier relationship with money. It's too important and urgent in my life for me to fail at this wish. So I'm not finished with it yet. 

This month I will list the most important actions I can take to save money and make money, and I will do them by Thursday 30th April. So help me Bertie.

What do you wish you could do? What are the most important actions you could take to make it happen?

I wish... I had a healthier relationship with money (part 2)

Why do we spend money that's not ours to spend?

Last weekend I went to Ireland with my mate Steve. It was fun. We drove around, visited the beautiful town of Westport, and watched some plays in Claremorris. One of them was Steve's.

We flew out there with Aer Lingus, then hired a car for the weekend. We stayed in B&Bs and ate mostly in pubs. It didn't feel like a particularly luxurious holiday. But, as I stared at the last twenty Euro note in my wallet, it dawned on me how much I had spent in three days...

Ouch. That's all I'm saying.

Why did I spend so much money that I don't have? Because it was an opportunity. An opportunity for a few days of fun with an old friend. An opportunity to be a good friend. An opportunity to go to a country I've never been to before.

(That's not strictly true. I did visit Dublin once for about an hour. The ferry from Wales was delayed by bad weather and I barely had time to get off before I had to get back on again.)

Do I regret going to Ireland? No. Not as an experience. It was beautiful and the people were lovely. But as an expense? Yes. Yes I do. 

When I got home, I found a note from a loved one. It reminded me, in the nicest way possible, that I owed people money. Namely my family.

Welcome home.

I was tempted to sit on it. But then I remembered my wish of the month:

I wish I had a better relationship with money.

So I paid them back. Straight away. Because settling debts feels better than having them. It was a step in the right direction anyway. And it felt good.

Until I renewed my car insurance the next day.

Double ouch.

This week I will work out exactly how much money I have. A snapshot of my finances. A starting point for what comes next.

What is your wish of the month? Care to share?

I wish... I had a healthier relationship with money

Imagine having enough money to do all of the things that you wish you could do.

I don't have a bad relationship with money. I earn some, I spend some, I earn some more. I don't gamble (no hope of a Lottery win then). And I don't buy the latest gadgets. Anyone who has seen my mobile phone can attest to that.

I've always had a little bit of money in my bank account. Enough for a meal with friends. Presents for the family. An occasional holiday. 

But I don't have a good relationship with money either. I don't know how much money I have in total (or don't have, more to the point). There are debts. Not huge ones, but debts all the same. And I've lost track of all the little things I'm paying for; Direct Debits, charges, subscription to Woman's Weekly, that kind of thing.

...

To be honest, this paragraph that you're reading - this one, right now - has taken over half an hour to write. I wrote it and rewrote it and then deleted it and wrote this instead. Why? Because talking about money is hard. It's personal. It's emotional. It touches on my insecurities, my fears, my sense of worth.

...

I have a weird relationship with money. I need money to pay for essentials and a few things that I like doing. But apart from that, I don't care much about money. I hardly ever think about savings or interest rates or pensions. I never pause in front of estate agent windows. 

Perhaps I should but, frankly, I think it's boring.

When an opportunity arises for me to quickly make or save money, I squander it. For some reason that I don't understand, if a little bit of effort is required, such as filling in a simple expenses form or cancelling a subscription, I don't do it. 

Oh well, I think to myself, I'll just earn some more money.

In some ways, that's a positive attitude to losing money; trusting that more will come my way. Believing in abundance. But when the money being lost is money that is within my control, then losing it is foolish. Irresponsible.

I self-sabotage my ability to make money and use it wisely. That has got to stop.

Why now?

Recently I couldn't do something that I wish I could: go to the Burning Man Festival in Nevada. I simply could not afford it; the tickets, the flight, the lot. Neither could my friend. That frustrated us. A lot! So we have promised each other that we will save up and go next year.

It's not my only motivation. I wish I lived in my own place again. I wish I didn't have any debts at all. I wish I could invest more in my business. I wish I could buy a GoPro camera. I wish I could visit my friends in Australia and The Phillipines. I wish I didn't worry about money so much. I wish I wish I wish...

I wish I could do all of these things and more while I'm young(ish) and healthy enough to do them, and also put a little aside for my twilight years.

Not asking for much am I... ;-)

By the end of this month I will have developed a healthier relationship with money.

Do you have a healthy relationship with money? What's your number one tip?

I wish... I was a cross country runner (part 5)

Don't miss out on nature's beauty because you're squeamish about mud.

At the beginning of the month I set myself a goal of ten cross country runs. I picked ten out of the air because it's a nice round number. Five seemed too few, and twenty too many. There are only twenty-eight days in February after all (this year anyway).

With one week of February left, I had seven more runs to do. It wasn't impossible, but it wasn't realistic either.

Run number four was a Sunday afternoon jog through Hempstead Woods. It was good, but I decided I would try a morning run next time, and I would go somewhere different.

So I chose Views Wood for run number five on Tuesday morning. It was brilliant! Relatively big with a variety of paths. I dropped down onto one beside a stream and leapt over smaller streams feeding into it. It was so much fun that I forgot to take any photos.

The downside of running in the morning was that my legs felt stiff and achy. I wondered whether I was doing myself an injury. Also, it was a considerable chunk of time out of my morning, which meant I started work much later than I would have liked.

I did the opposite on Wednesday for run number six; a late evening jog around Hempstead park and a secondary school playing field. My legs felt OK but I was worried about breaking them by tripping over tree roots, molehills or teenagers snogging in the dark.

So for run number seven I stepped out in the morning light for a jaunt through Buxted Park.

There wasn't much morning light. A low heavy cloud hung over the countryside, and a steady drizzle soaked me to the skin. It had been raining all night and the muddy paths had become quagmires in which my running trainers were completely enveloped.

I had high hopes of fitting in three more runs to reach my target of ten. But it didn't happen. I went to Brighton yesterday, had a late night, and couldn't face another rain-drenched boggy run today. 

I'm not disappointed though. Seven cross country runs is respectable. Four runs in one week is astounding - for me. That would have been unheard of at the beginning of the month.

More importantly, I have got back into the habit of going for a run. I've moved my running shorts and shirts to the top of the pile, and my trainers are by the front door. More than that though, I have decided to build a cross country run into my weekly routine...

Every Thursday afternoon I will go for a cross country run. Before dinner. When my legs are warmed up and the day's work is done.

I'll leave you with 3 things that I have learnt from cross country running this month:

1. It's OK to get muddy. Mud is natural. Being muddy makes you feel closer to nature.
2. Running through woods feels primal. It's what our ancestors did to hunt wild animals, or avoid getting eaten by one.
3. The more time you spend in the countryside, the more beauty you see in it. And during the winter you have these special places to yourself. Don't miss out because you're squeamish about mud.

Tomorrow is the start of a brand new month. What do you wish you could do in March?

I wish... I was a cross country runner (part 4)

Keep going. Whatever the weather.

Last Sunday I said I would put an appointment in my diary to go for another run. Monday was out; work and then a social event. Tuesday too; work and then Dad-sitting. So it would have to be Wednesday.

I got home from work on Wednesday and resisted the urge to make a cup of tea and eat a biscuit and have a sit down.

No! I shall not sit down and get comfortable! I shall change into a tiny pair of shorts and a T-shirt and get distinctly uncomfortable.

The first five minutes were the hardest. I ran up and out of the estate, down a lane towards the old mill, and ran alongside the River Uck. The path was deliciously muddy.

I stopped on a small wooden bridge and stretched my legs. I always stretch once I've warmed up. I don't want to pull a muscle. Injury sets you back so much, in terms of time and enthusiasm.

I set off again and entered Buxted Park, one of my favourite places in the world. I have been going there since I was a child. Exploring. Thinking. Escaping. 

I ran around one of the lakes, crossed the river again (using a bridge, not wading through it like The Eliminator - although I am tempted now) and strode towards my tree.

My tree.

OK, it's not really my tree. Not legally. It probably belongs to Buxted Park Hotel, which stands on the hill overlooking it. But it feels like mine. I always deviate from the path to say hello to the tree and touch its bark. We hang out for a bit. Have a chat. Admire the view. Then I say goodbye and continue on my way. Until next time.

The sun had dipped beyond the horizon so I headed for home and picked up the pace. It got hard. It was the first time I'd really pushed myself since The Eliminator, and I felt a bit dizzy after finishing with a sprint. I sat on the step outside my front door to get my breath back.

Sitting outside the front of my house is not something I usually do. But I quite like it. Watching the world go by. Saying hello to neighbours. It's a shame we don't have a front porch culture in this country.

Anyway. I digress. 

I didn't fit in any more runs last week.  I mostly worked at Barnardo's (full-time during half term). Then the rains came.

Excuses? Perhaps. But this coming week will be different...

This week I will go for 7 cross country runs in 6 days! Whatever the weather.

It will be March soon. Start thinking about what you wish you could do next month.

I wish... I was a cross country runner (part 3)

Put an appointment in your calendar to do the thing you wish you could do.

"I can't wait to go running again" were my exact words after The Eliminator Race last weekend. I envisioned pulling on my running trainers on Monday evening and leaping into the woods near my house.

On Monday my trainers were still drying out (I had washed them on Sunday).

On Tuesday they were nearly dry.

On Wednesday there were dry at last (hooray) but didn't have laces in them (boo). I tried to thread the laces back into the trainers but the ends were frayed and I couldn't do it, so I threw the laces away. I borrowed some from an old pair of shoes. The new laces were fat and brown and horrible but they were going to get muddy anyway. By the time I had done all this, of course, I couldn't go for a run because it was time to drive to work.

On Thursday I forgot to run in the morning and I couldn't be bothered to get sweaty and muddy again after my shower.

On Friday I started work late and finished work late and decided it was too late to go for a run.

Then it was the weekend again.

Six days. No cross country runs. Poor. Very poor. At that rate I wouldn't achieve my goal of running ten times in February.

So on Saturday I went for a run. Straight after work. I put on my clean white running trainers with the pooey brown laces and I ran into the woods. And I slipped around in the woods. And I stopped running in the woods because I couldn't breathe properly. And I ran nervously past spiky slivers of tree trunk in the woods in case I fell and impaled myself on them.

It wasn't as much fun as The Eliminator Race. There was less screaming and laughing for a start. Nobody made appreciative noises when I nearly slipped over but recovered my footing. And nobody wrapped tin foil around me and fed me cupcakes when I finished. 

I know. Unbelievable.

But it was fun in a different way. The countryside looked beautiful in the winter sunshine, a huge wild rabbit barely moved as I ran past it, and I got the same buzz from skipping over puddles and rocks as I did last weekend. Overcoming obstacles. Dashing between the trees. Breathing in the fresh air. It felt good.

It would feel even better if cross country running was a regular habit in my life; something that I do a few times a week without hesitation. 

What do you wish you could do that you keep putting off? Put an appointment in your calendar to do it.

I wish... I was a cross country runner (part 2)

We heard the screams before we saw the horror.

"Why are they screaming?" asked Jen.

"Somebody's throwing chocolate at them," I joked.

We were in the first mile of The Eliminator Race, a cross-country run designed to test entrants with thick mud, deep water and gruelling uphill scrambles. It didn't disappoint.

The screaming was from dozens of runners wading chest-high through a pond of dirty brown water with logs floating in it. It was excruciatingly cold, and I overtook a few runners to get to the other side as quickly as I could. It was so deep that Fran and Lizzi swam.

Up until that point we had been tiptoeing our way through the mud. Not any more. The gloves were off. I was wringing water out of mine and cursing that the tissues I had stuffed inside them were sodden. 

The terrain was incredible. We trudged along tracks shin-high in gloopy mud. We slid into rivers and hauled ourselves out the other side. At one point we scrambled up a muddy bank so slippery that I used tree roots like rock-climbing handholds and another runner pulled me up using a fallen branch.

It was a proper adventure. I loved it.

Photograph courtesy of Michaela Coatsworth

My teammates were awesome. Lizzi, who hates mud and stepped tentatively through it at the start, grew in confidence with every mile and got faster and faster. Stuart, whose chest was tight with asthma, showed real grit and determination by pushing on without complaint. I marvelled at Fran who gashed her leg in a water obstacle but chirped, "I'm fine", and carried on running. And Jen steadily picked up the pace and stormed up a hill. It was great to see.

Despite the intense cold and effort, we had fun. We joked around, sang songs and bundled each other into the mud. I felt closer to them as friends. It was, at the risk of sounding cheesy, a quality bonding experience. I recommend it to anyone.

In the final few hundred metres I splashed mud in my eye and blinked furiously through the last two ponds.

Photograph courtesy of Michaela Coatsworth

After which we regrouped and ran across the finishing line together. Team Sunrise!

Photograph courtesy of Michaela Coatsworth

We made it!

Our support crew - Andrew, Michaela, Fergus and Fran's Mum - congratulated us and took photos. Then we collected our medals and T-shirts, wrapped ourselves in foil like marathon runners, and munched on Michaela's delicious chocolate orange cupcakes. I could have eaten the whole tub.

It was over. We could relax. If only we weren't so wet and cold!

We dispersed to get changed. I stood on one side of Fran's car and pulled on boxer shorts under a towel with hands so cold they barely worked. It was awful. How I didn't drop the towel and cause more screaming, I don't know. 

Dry once more, Fran and I bundled into the car with Stu and Lizzi and we turned the heaters up to max. The thaw began...

Our next challenge is to collect the sponsorship money that has been pledged by friends and family, and pass it on to the Barnardo's Sunrise Centre. If you sponsored us, thank you! On behalf of the children and young people and their families who use Sunrise projects, thank you thank you thank you!

Do you wish you were a cross country runner? Or even a hard surface runner? What's stopping you?