I wish... I had a healthier relationship with money

Imagine having enough money to do all of the things that you wish you could do.

I don't have a bad relationship with money. I earn some, I spend some, I earn some more. I don't gamble (no hope of a Lottery win then). And I don't buy the latest gadgets. Anyone who has seen my mobile phone can attest to that.

I've always had a little bit of money in my bank account. Enough for a meal with friends. Presents for the family. An occasional holiday. 

But I don't have a good relationship with money either. I don't know how much money I have in total (or don't have, more to the point). There are debts. Not huge ones, but debts all the same. And I've lost track of all the little things I'm paying for; Direct Debits, charges, subscription to Woman's Weekly, that kind of thing.

...

To be honest, this paragraph that you're reading - this one, right now - has taken over half an hour to write. I wrote it and rewrote it and then deleted it and wrote this instead. Why? Because talking about money is hard. It's personal. It's emotional. It touches on my insecurities, my fears, my sense of worth.

...

I have a weird relationship with money. I need money to pay for essentials and a few things that I like doing. But apart from that, I don't care much about money. I hardly ever think about savings or interest rates or pensions. I never pause in front of estate agent windows. 

Perhaps I should but, frankly, I think it's boring.

When an opportunity arises for me to quickly make or save money, I squander it. For some reason that I don't understand, if a little bit of effort is required, such as filling in a simple expenses form or cancelling a subscription, I don't do it. 

Oh well, I think to myself, I'll just earn some more money.

In some ways, that's a positive attitude to losing money; trusting that more will come my way. Believing in abundance. But when the money being lost is money that is within my control, then losing it is foolish. Irresponsible.

I self-sabotage my ability to make money and use it wisely. That has got to stop.

Why now?

Recently I couldn't do something that I wish I could: go to the Burning Man Festival in Nevada. I simply could not afford it; the tickets, the flight, the lot. Neither could my friend. That frustrated us. A lot! So we have promised each other that we will save up and go next year.

It's not my only motivation. I wish I lived in my own place again. I wish I didn't have any debts at all. I wish I could invest more in my business. I wish I could buy a GoPro camera. I wish I could visit my friends in Australia and The Phillipines. I wish I didn't worry about money so much. I wish I wish I wish...

I wish I could do all of these things and more while I'm young(ish) and healthy enough to do them, and also put a little aside for my twilight years.

Not asking for much am I... ;-)

By the end of this month I will have developed a healthier relationship with money.

Do you have a healthy relationship with money? What's your number one tip?